The Myth of the Terrible Two’s

So there is a conspiracy that spans history of humanity and is a far reaching as every household in the world, and every parent every has had a hand in keeping the deep, dark secret from us new parents. I am now an initiate into this obscure secret society that holds tight to the eternal truth that I will share with you today, at risk to my own well being. What is this ancient mystery? That the “Terrible Two’s” dont start when a child turns two. They start at 8 months. and probably go all the way to 2. Or 3.

I hate to admit that Lala has become something of a brat over the past few months and we’ve had to take actions to counter it. She has a temper that I have not seen in such a small kid. When we tell her no or take something from her that she shouldnt have, and she stiffens her body, balls her fists, grits her teeth and grunts in a very guttural way or screams then hits something. She is also a bully to the dog. She tries to take his bed and hits him.

She is a very hard headed girl in that I sometimes have to physically pick her up and move her when she is trying to do something she shouldnt be and then stand there and repeat it 10-20 times until she realizes I won’t back down, then she gets bored with the challenege and wanders off to some other mischief. She thinks it’s hilarious to turn off the TV when we are watching it and runs away when we try to get her, but she freaks out when we do it to her. She loves to test us and see how far she can go with us which is why we need to stay on top of her. It’s exhausting but it’s worth it. She even has started yelling at us on accasion as well. While we were driving the other day she didnt want to get buckeld up and she got mad after we strapped her in and screamed the name of our dog, as if trying to tell us she only loved him. We just giggled cuz it was so unexpected.

She has her moments of brilliance too though, dont get me wrong. She is learning quickly and the sign language we taught her is quickly tranferring over to verbal language. She now knows a few more names than Ozo the dog. She says Papa in the sweetest little voice ever. She says mama sweetly too, when she’s not yelling at mama! She calls her cousin Zeke , zee, she can say Hannah, and Mona too. Everyday when i get home she takes me into the toy room and we sit and play toys. She usually will grab a book and bring it to me and get in my lap as we read it together. I love that she likes to sit in my lap and read books with me. It makes me feel good becasue I’m trying to cultivate a sense of curiosity and desire to learn and read, in addition to running around and playing toys. I want to build her up as best I can.

Lala also now tries to beat box since she sees Biz Markie in Yo Gabba Gabba do it. We try and show her too. she gets the first drum hit out ok, but then has issues with rhythm haha. However she is learning. She likes to dance and spin around or bob her head like she is rocking out. She also tries now to sing along to the songs in Yo Gabba Gabba that she likes. it’s the cutest thing to watch.

Little Lala is growing so much and every day she takes new steps and learns more and more. It’s crazy because I dont want to miss a single thing!

And here we are. Tonight is Christmas Eve and it’s the first year i get to play Santa in that I get to wait for her to go to sleep then fill her stocking up with candies and toys for her to see tomorrow morning. She is going to love Christmas!

Merry Christmas from my family to yours!

And now she is one.

Lala has reached a major milestone. As of yesterday, Thanksgiving, she is a one year old. It’s been an amazing year to say the least. The most impacting year of my life I’d say. It’s been probably the hardest, most tiresome year but also the most rewarding as well. My daughter, while being challenging at every turn, has been the biggest blessing and gift I’ve had the good fortune of receiving, followed closely by my wife of course.

Things that I love about being a dad, and my daughter are: seeing her wake up and smile when she sees you. Seeing her dance when music comes on. Wanting to dance with me or my wife when her favorite songs come on the radio or TV like “Lollipop”(not the lil wayne track but the old 40’s song), the Roots’ Yo Gabba Gabba tune “Lovely love my family”, The Aggrolites’ Yo Gabba Gabba tune “Banana”, and REM’s Muppet version of “Shiny Happy People”. Seeing her chase me when i come home from work. Seeing her wave at complete strangers and putting a smile on their face. Seeing her explore her world a little more each day. We took a walk around the block a few days ago, just holding her hand as we went. Seeing her play with and feed our dog Ozo. Seeing her “sing like Mariah Carey” (my sister in law taught her to “sing” in a high pitch whenever  she tells her “sing like Mariah Carey!”). Seeing her play her little baby piano. Seeing her try to build things with the blocks. Seeing her sign when she is trying to communicate. Hearing her chitter chatter with us. So many things. She really is becoming her own person with her own unique personality. She is also beginning to push her boundaries and test us, but that is to be expected and so we are ready (i hope).

Tomorrow we take her to Chuk e Cheese for her birthday party, which is more for the family than for her. If it was up to me we’d just stay home and enjoy a nice cake with the 3 of us, but everyone wants a piece of her! It will be fun. And God willing the first of many parties we throw for her!

Congratulations Lala! we love you!

signs, signs, everywhere are signs.

Lala is getting pretty good with this whole sign language business. She knows the signs for milk, more, banana, cheese, drink, sleep and maybe a few others. She’s pretty smart for a little munchkin. However it’s also a double edged sword. She has begun testing us with boundaries too. She likes to go up to the TV and turn it off when we’re watching something and even though we say No! she still does it. We have to slap her little hand and she still will test us.

she has eight teeth now too. Last time she had major teething issues was Halloween night. Needless to say we didnt get far with her trick or treating before we had to bring her back home. She started wailing about a block away and we had to bring her back home and give her a bath to relax her, then give her a bottle and rock her to sleep. Thank God above for baby OraGel.

She’s going to turn 1 in 3 days! Since her birthday is on Thanksgiving, we’re giving her a party on Saturday afterwards. I guess we can expect a bunch of toys to come home with her that day. As if there’s room for them. This has been an incredible year and I look forward to celebrating every year with her now.

Terror has a new name.

And it’s name is Lala. Since she has become a bi-ped she has acclimated to her mobility like a champ. Not so much us. We find ourselves constantly chasing her and taking stuff away from her, and she not only voices her discontent with us, but does this very rude guttural grunt sounding like “Ehhhhh!”.  She has become something of what most would call a brat.

She isn’t always a brat though. She still sweet as spring for the most part, but she is at the age, or at some age, where she is throwing tantrums now. She turns 11 months tomorrow and I have no idea if she is early or right on time, but either way she is little miss tantrum now. She is the greatest though. She gives kisses. She shares her food with the dog, in fact she loves our dog Ozo. She is always calling for him and he actually comes sometimes.

Today we went and picked out some pumpkins for Halloween next week. One of the pumpkins had a little hole in it and on the way home we found her sticking her finger in the hole and then putting her finger in her mouth to taste. What’s wrong with kids?

So Lala is going to be Betty Boop for Halloween. Pretty boring to me. Especially after her summer of dressing up like Frida Kahlo, a Zombie and last week Cheech and Chong. OK so I was Chong and she was Cheech. We did a little photoshoot cuz my wife thought it would be funny. She ended up taking one of the pics where I’m decked out in a wig and a chong type of shirt, holding her dressed like cheech and she has a giant cigar in her mouth, and making Halloween cards that said “have a smokin’ halloween”. Then she sent them to my family. I love that woman.

I think Lala said papa yesterday. She looked at me and said it and I said what did you say and she repeated it, but she has been greedy with it ever since.

And her first word is…..

Ozo. That’s right, her first word is the name of our dog. Not mama, not papa, but Ozo. She started saying it about 3 days ago. Whats funny is that she was calling him roo-ra for a bit, but finally got his name down right i guess. Anyways Lala recently turned 10 months and at her doctors check up, they said she was heavier than 99% of other kids. I felt pretty lame, but we can make changes. Fewer bottles at night, less snackfood. We should be ok. Lala has begun testing us too. She goes up to stuff like the TV and the media shelf and looks back at us and laughs and we pull her away,tell her no, and then she goes right back then we do the little swat thing and she thinks that’s funny and so on and so on. I end up getting up 10 times to get her away from the tv or what not. It’s exhausting. Lala’s great though and she is about to walk soon. She stands on her own alot and moves quickly on her feet when she has stuff to hold on too. She is starting to mimic us with stuff like the phone. She’s pretty smart. One of my favorite things to do is dance with her. We play the radio and i pick her up and we dance and she giggles and smiles and it’s just the sweetest thing. I look forward to when she can walk so we can go and play in the back yard.

One small step for Lala….

Today Lala took two steps on her own. We were all completely shocked. While she has been holding onto stuff and walking, and has also begun to gain some balance while stationary, we didnt expect this progress so soon. We tried to get her to repeat it, but she opted to drop and crawl, so we didnt push it. Lala is an ace crawler and now we’ll have to be on extra alert for her new skills to materialize.

Lately nights have been tougher than normal because Lala is teething. It’s been tough as it is since we never really migrated her to the crib so nights are like this: She falls asleep around 9PM in ou r bed with one of us chilling with her, then we put her in the crib. Anywhere between 1 and 2AM she wakes up crying, so we bring her back to our bed and give her a bottle. Then around 4-5AM she wakes up again and we give her another bottle. SO we’ve been doing this for awhile now and at her checkup today the doctor said she was heavier than 99% of babies her age. Boy did we feel like bad parents. We’re making our baby fat. So now the plan is gradually ease off the night feedings and swap the milk for water. Additionally i think we need to make some changes in our own eating habits to ensure Lala is healthy.

Anyways, Lala likes to go to the park and swing. She loves to swing high and sometimes cries when we leave. She is still getting used to the slide, but she loves to swing on the baby swings. we take her to different parks when we can. She really loves being outside in general too. She sometimes cries and points to the door, and then cries when we come inside the house. She is gonna be a hiker maybe.

Lala is really ticklish on her legs and arms and i love so much to hear her laughing uncontrollably when we tickle her. I think her laughter is my favorite sound in the world. Even more so than guitars turned up to 11.

And she’s off.

Lala is crawling. Now she is getting into everything. My CD racks are now targetted for prompt emptying onto the floor. She crawls all around the house now trying to find new things on the ground to eat. So far we’ve removed bark, leaves, dog food, tumbleweed thorns, cotton, toilet paper, bobby pins, hair, coins, pens, toys, power cords and pieces of paper from her mouth any number of times in a day. She’s crazy. But we love her.

We went on our first little vacation with Lala to Big Sur. She enjoyed it as much as an 8 month old could. We stayed at a lodge that was pretty bare bones, but it was on the big sur river which was nice. We went to hearst castle and chilled. One night Lala was acting too wild on the bed and fell off. Her first time falling off the bed. I was right next to her so i moved my leg into her to try and divert the energy from going straight down to going sideways and down but sh still fell right on her head and flipped over and proceeded to cry the most despairing cry I’ve ever heard. I practically cried myself. 5 minutes later she was giggling and playing again though but it scared us for sure. In the restaurant at the lodge one night for dinner some snooty old dude came and sat close to our table and then proceeded to give us the stink eye whenever Lala would scream or say something loud. Come on dude, she;s 8 months old. I eventually took her outside and thought it would be funny to make my wife laugh by standing outside the window with Lala where the old dude was sitting in plain view of my wife. She laughed and the old dude pretended to not see us. Oh well. creep.

Last week was the very first annual SJ Zombie crawl and we decided it would be a great idea to doll Lala up like a baby zombie and put her in our old fashioned buggy that looks like the one from Rosemary’s Baby. We got there and there were tons of great Zombies and alot of them wanted to take pics with Lala and we naturally let them. Lala wasnt scared of any of them. She’s scared of the vacuum, but not zombies. It was awesome she was such a hit. The news was there and even filmed her into their report. You can see it here. We were so proud of her. My family thinks we’re nuts but Lala is gonna grow up and say she did all kinds of cool stuff! First Frida now a Zombie.. what’s next?

I’m a horrible dad.

Ok.. I know. I havent posted anything since June so its going on 2 months. BUt i’ve been so swamped at work and had literally no time for much else other than family, work and band. So Lots has happened since i last posted as I’m sure you can imagine. Major milestones are: Lala sprouted two bottom teeth. Lala began rolling over and lifting herself up. Lala learned the sign for milk. Lala figured out how to lift herself up to her two feet holding on to something. Lala loves to ride in a swing. Lala laughs and laughs and laughs. Lala has separation anxiety when we go to work or leave the room..or try to put her in the crib while she is semi conscious. Lala learned to clap. Lala learned to wave. Lala can voice syllables. And as of last weekend Lala can crawl. God help us all.So now that she can crawl and stands up on her own she falls alot, and mostly on our hard wood floors. She has knocked her head, foreheard and (this ones scary) her eyebrow on the corner of the table. When she falls we dont react like the world is falling apart so she doesnt get used to coddling. It will help her later in life. No we’re not cruel, but we dont make a big production and encourage her to be a whiner. We laugh it off with her. I’m telling ya she’s gonna be tough!

Lala has an affinity for ice cream, just like her pops. When ever the ice cream man (or ice cream transgender male/female) comes by with the push cart in the afternoon after work, Lala and I are usually sitting in the front yard playing. So i buy one and let her take little bits but she is a little piglet and tries to take it from me. Additionally i’ve made it my goal by the end of the year to learn how to make my own ice cream and make the best chocolate ice cream. ever. My dream is no longer rock star related but to open a little specialty ice cream place called ChocoLala and retire making ice cream. How much cooler could life get? Ice cream makes EVERYONE happy. You’ve never heard of somone killing themself after a trip to Ben & Jerry’s. Ice cream makes it all better. At least for the moment. Must be why I’m so fat!

So last friday we went to a Frida Kahlo celebration here in town at a community center and in addition to all the performers and artists etc. there was a Frida look alike contest. We thought it would be cute to get her dressed up and go to it. We went and when we got there, everyone was totally enamored by Lala. I was somewhat taken aback. I mean i know she’s super cute but people really seem to take notice. Anyways we entered her in the contest and all these people said she was going to win. We were like “maybe”. There were about 15 other contestants and they all looked great. So the time comes to vote and i have to get up on stage with Lala since B wont go, and they announce the winners and sure enough Lala won the popular vote. We were flabbergasted and stoked. Lala’s first win in something. She didnt care. She wanted to eat the prize, a beautiful Mexican shawl. We left and had tacos to celebrate.

Everyday Lala gets a little bit bigger and a little bit smarter. Its beautiful to watch. And I know someday I will miss every moment. Even the long nights.

Lala’s Got Talent!

Lately Lala has been learning alot of new stuff, and it’s not just cutely annoying stuff like trying to grab my glasses off my face at every chance. My wife and Lala’s aunt have been teaching her baby signing and now Lala knows how to sign to us when she wants milk. Pretty cool. Next we’ll teach her how to sign the devil horns.

Another one of Lala’s new tricks to to pretend to cough. Most babies wouldnt pretend to cough or even know that it might garner extra attention or sympathy, but somehow Lala knows and when she doesnt exactly get her way sometimes she throw out a fake cough or two to see if it helps for her cause. It doesnt. Especially when she smiles while coughing. Sorry Lala, you gotta be a little more cunning than that!

Lala also has this new facial expression that she has developed over the past week or so. I call it hte yoda face. People from the Bay would call it the Thizz face. She basically scrunches up her nose and closes her eyes as if she smells something yucky or just ate a raw lemon. When she does it she kinda looks like a little old lady. It’s cute but weird too.

Fun Lala fact for the day: Sometimes if we poof her hair out a little bit, she looks like a baby Susan Boyle from Britains got Talent.

Dookie Booty

Saturday i was sitting on the couch playing with Lala when suddenly she stopped laughing and looked off into the corner as if she was thinking intently on something, when her face turned red and she started crying inconsolably. I thought something was hurting her and so i started taking her bib off then un snapping her onesie, all the while her cries got more intense, and soon she sounded like Linda Blair in the Exorcist. Lala was making the saddest face and by this point i was kinda freaked out when suddenly i felt a little push in her diaper, and suddenly, as quick as it started, her crying stopped and she smiled at me through her teary eyes. I took her into the other room and began changing but was not at all prepared for what I was about to find. In her diaper was a solid mass that was so big I gasped when i first saw it.

It’s a matter of simple physics. If you look at my daughter, you see a normal sized 6 month old. If you look at the mass of solid poop she passed through her body you would assume it was passed by an adult. A big, fat, cheeseburger eating, truck driving, beer swilling adult. I didnt think it was physically possible. Poor Lala’s booty!